I've never quite understood that before. But now I think I do. I feel damn good and I think that Greg is quite right....
Also, I think I am liberated. I shall work unto myself now, and I shall not worry about men - they can fend for themselves! (I may be a little intoxicated at this particular moment, but it's okay. Because I feel DAMN GOOD.)
Yes, that is all. Now, to bed and goodnight, all.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Five Months
It's weird. I just can't seem to be in a relationship for longer than five months. It's like, the ultimate time-limit. I'm not going to know what to do with myself if I ever get past that particular amount of time.
Made official last night, I am single once again. Because obviously I suck as a girlfriend. Inquiring minds want to know: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? There MUST be something. Hemingway said he had never fought with a girlfriend the way that we fought. It MUST be me.
Made official last night, I am single once again. Because obviously I suck as a girlfriend. Inquiring minds want to know: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? There MUST be something. Hemingway said he had never fought with a girlfriend the way that we fought. It MUST be me.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Self-Centered?
Is it wrong to work your ass off on your senior thesis (which is required for graduation), then be nervous about it until after you've defended it to a committee and gotten distinction? And THEN, is it wrong to want to go straight home and spend a relaxing couple of days exclusively with your family, watching TV, vegging out, and writing that 10-page play analysis of "She Stoops to Conquer" for your Great Plays exam, which is due by 2:00 Friday?
IS THIS WRONG???
I should be feeling triumphant and relieved and maybe a little bit on edge about getting that paper done. How come I had to spend 45 minutes last night arguing with my boyfriend about whether or not I'm a good girlfriend? How come I had to narrowly circumvent being broken up with right there with a trial-run second chance? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AFTER I DODGED THE NOT-GRADUATING BULLET??? I've been paying (in scholarships, loans, and out-of-pocket money) $30,000 per year for three years, and HE WONDERS WHY I CAN'T SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON HIM???? What the fuck? What. The. Fuck.
I'm a little frustrated. I should be living in "you accomplished a huge thing and you should be proud" land. Instead, I'm living in "is this even worth it when he's being a jerk" land, and I don't appreciate it.
And yes, I do realize I've been busy and stressed and not able to spend much time on my boyfriend, especially since I live 4 1/2 hours away from him on a regular basis. But I don't even get to talk to my PARENTS as much as I talk to him and he STILL isn't happy!!
Also, there's the part where when I visit him on Friday, he's going to want to get physical and I AM HONESTLY NOT IN THE MOOD RIGHT NOW. Something about him being a jerk and him pushing to get physical even when I'm not in the mood that just makes me want to push him away. I really don't know what to do. It wasn't long ago that I was able to imagine spending the rest of my life with him, and now I'm just trying to imagine the next month with him. If it's going to be as unpleasant as it currently is, I'm not sure if I see the point. I don't like feeling like a bad person, and I know that I was right to concentrate on my own graduation rather than my romantic attachments. So why am I letting him make me feel like I was wrong?
IS THIS WRONG???
I should be feeling triumphant and relieved and maybe a little bit on edge about getting that paper done. How come I had to spend 45 minutes last night arguing with my boyfriend about whether or not I'm a good girlfriend? How come I had to narrowly circumvent being broken up with right there with a trial-run second chance? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AFTER I DODGED THE NOT-GRADUATING BULLET??? I've been paying (in scholarships, loans, and out-of-pocket money) $30,000 per year for three years, and HE WONDERS WHY I CAN'T SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON HIM???? What the fuck? What. The. Fuck.
I'm a little frustrated. I should be living in "you accomplished a huge thing and you should be proud" land. Instead, I'm living in "is this even worth it when he's being a jerk" land, and I don't appreciate it.
And yes, I do realize I've been busy and stressed and not able to spend much time on my boyfriend, especially since I live 4 1/2 hours away from him on a regular basis. But I don't even get to talk to my PARENTS as much as I talk to him and he STILL isn't happy!!
Also, there's the part where when I visit him on Friday, he's going to want to get physical and I AM HONESTLY NOT IN THE MOOD RIGHT NOW. Something about him being a jerk and him pushing to get physical even when I'm not in the mood that just makes me want to push him away. I really don't know what to do. It wasn't long ago that I was able to imagine spending the rest of my life with him, and now I'm just trying to imagine the next month with him. If it's going to be as unpleasant as it currently is, I'm not sure if I see the point. I don't like feeling like a bad person, and I know that I was right to concentrate on my own graduation rather than my romantic attachments. So why am I letting him make me feel like I was wrong?
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