Mild Procrastination

Your Score: Kaylee

You scored 90 variable 1!

Who doesn't love Kaylee? Cheerful mechanic and all-around whiz with a wrench, Kaylee is the innocent (in all things but sensuality) on board; all smiles and dimples, you probably light up a room just as much as she lights up the blackness of space.
Link: The Who are you? Firefly Chars Test written by x_pookie on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Pre-Exam Week

This week is my true exam week. Actual exam week for me is very relaxing, but this week is generally hellish. Here's the agenda for tomorrow:

9:00 - Leave for school

9:20 - Arrive and study for music theory quiz OR practice with Mrs. H.

10:00 - Music Theory quiz

11:00 - eat and practice with Mrs. H. or go to Music Theory Lab

12:00 - Music History quiz

1:00 - Environmental Issues with Issue summaries

2:00 - LAST MATH CLASS!!!!! (Which I'm pretty sure I'm passing. Score!)

3:15 - go to Deming and practice my ass off until...

4:45 - go to Francis auditorium on the other side of campus for voice juries, which I'm not ready for

After juries - choir

Slight breather.

7:30 - auditions for "The Sorcerer", the musical by Gilbert and Sullivan.

After I finish my audition, I am not passing "Go". I am not collecting two-hundred dollars. I am going home, collapsing on my bed, and sleeping until.... 8:00 the next morning, when I have to get up. Boo. However, this is an example (brief example!) of what my week has been like thus far. It gets better Thursday and Friday, but only slightly. My only consolation is that I have all of Saturday and Sunday to hole myself up with my books and get some serious studying done for the five exams I'm taking in three days, before I head to PA for a month.

*sigh* A whole month of sleeping. Well, not really. I do have a job. But still - I like that job. And it's interesting. And I get to sleep in more at home than I do at school. Right - enough procrastinating - back to work.

Gorramit!!!!

*expletives*

Dr. A. has indeed gone too far this time. There is a quiz this week, which I was not aware of - he doesn't put them on the syllabus (highly inconvenient when his quizzes are six pages long, but that's neither here nor there). Moreover, he handed out a review sheet before our Thanksgiving Break. I neglected to attend class on the day he handed out the review sheet because I HAD A LAST MINUTE REHEARSAL FOR ANOTHER EXTRA BLINKIN' RECITAL that I COULD NOT miss at risk of humiliating myself and my accompanist at the performance THAT VERY NIGHT.

Now, this would have been okay. But the man EMAILED me a reminder about the frickin' Lully research paper that was due, which, I might add, I was not required to write. He sent me the email the same day as he handed out the review sheet. He did not even IMPLY that a quiz might be in the offing and that I may need to obtain a copy of the review sheet from one of my classmates or, God forbid, from him!

Now, I realize that Dr. A. is very absent-minded. But come now. He's screwed me. He has royally screwed me. I really can't deal with this. My parents wanted me to try and cut a deal with the music department if they want me so badly, but honestly - what's the point? These people seem to go out of their way to overload and overwork me to the point of exhaustion, and I'm sick and tired of being their bitch. And these are the SELFSAME people trying to convince me that I'll want to go on to grad school! After this? HELL no. Not if I have to deal with more of the same, thanks VERY much.

Dirty words. DIRTY WORDS.

In other news, in nine days I will be home for Christmas Break and rehabilitation from this godawful semester. Good riddance. And people say that your junior year is your best. HAH!

That Girl

I so rarely post song lyrics, but as I was riding back to Virginia today from Pennsylvania, I was listening to this group "Lourds" and this song played. It was good and I felt the need to keep the lyrics close.
~
Oh I wish I could forget it
That girl was so pathetic
I regret that that's the girl that I was.
She would give 'til she bleeds
To the one in need
To the one who never sees what she does.

And I just cringe to see her pine
To see her crying on your bedroom floor.
Say your goodbyes
That girl has died
I don't wanna know her.

Tears me up to remember
That girl in December
Who was beggin' you to hold her once more.
That night she talked too much
'Cause she loved too much
And you were colder then than ever before.

Where was her pride
Those times that you kicked her like a dog
Lyin' on the floor?
Say your goodbyes
That girl has died
I don't wanna know her.

And I spit on her sadness
And I stomp on her weakness
And I throw all her words
Wasted words
Out the door.

That girl was me
In December
See these scars?
I remember.
And I hang her
With anger
Like a plaque on my wall.

So just rest in peace,
Little fragile me,
That girl who didn't love herself at all.
'Cause the new year is here
And there's nothing more to fear
And I'm stronger now than ever before.

'Cause there's a world out there
For this girl to share
With someone who's worthy of her.
Say your goodbyes
That girl has died
I don't wanna know her.
Say your goodbyes
I've said my goodbyes
That nightmare is over.
~
It was a good song. And you know what? I've said my goodbyes, too. Thank God.

Junior Dad's

A long-standing tradition at Mary Baldwin College is the awarding of class rings during the junior year of every class. This year, obviously, it was the time of class rings for the class of '09 - which was amusing, to say the least. First of all, you should be reminded that I am in a play right now, portraying a very butch lesbian (who is rather plain in appearance). This play occurred tonight, during the Junior Dad's celebration.

Now, it is tradition for the father of every student to present his daughter with her class ring. We then dance and have a big party at the Stonewall Jackson (yes, you read that right) Hotel. My dad is a sucker for a ceremony, so when the school sent him and my mother an invitation to this shindig, they accepted with alacrity. They chose a class ring for me (I didn't want the traditional ring with all the engravings that I would only wear until I graduated, I wanted one I would wear the rest of my life. So they chose it.) and arrived in Staunton today.

This was a long day for many reasons. Firstly, the Madrigals were singing downtown in costume and I was wearing inadequate shoes for that purpose. (After spending all day outside with insufficient toe insulation, I was quite literally frostbitten. It worried me for a while.) Today was also Gabby's senior recital (for the full run-down on that, see me later) and I had been intending upon watching, but was instead roped into being the backstage hand/stage manager when the original didn't show. (However, this does mean I don't have to write a review of it.) After Gabby's recital, we all headed back downtown for a tree-lighting service, where we sang until we were hoarse.

The play happened with very few hitches tonight (a thrilling occurrence) and after curtain call, I ran backstage, stripping off costume pieces as I fled and leaping into my beautiful red satin dress with the gold cherry-blossom pattern and the Mandarin collar. I fumbled into my shoes, then ran straight to the green room, where Camille (a delightful makeup/hair technician) did this weird thing with a pair of chopsticks that I have never managed to master on my own. However, with a twist of chopsticks and a few bobby pins, within seconds I had a hairstyle. It was surreal. Then a few dabs of makeup, then my friend Belena and I were off to her dorm, to pick up her dress for Junior Dad's.

I felt like a Bond girl, running in my formal and heels to the car and driving at top speed to every location we needed to visit. And, might I add, my hair remained impeccably perfect. (Camille really is a genius.) After Belena slipped quickly into her formal, we dashed to the car, drove to the parking lot nearest the Stonewall Jackson, then sprinted up to the hotel.

I recieved my ring in a short ceremony - and let me tell you, it's a GORGEOUS ring. It's the biggest, gaudiest bit of jewelry I own and I love it. I expected my parents to choose for me something like my sapphire ring, with a respectably-sized stone on a slim band - I love that ring, and the design is very simple and me. But THIS - it's HUGE. It's so big it reaches to my knuckle - a huge garnet surrounded by diamonds, on a sterling silver band. It's very modern and not something I would have necessarily chosen for myself, but as usual, Daddy has surpassed himself in taste when it comes to jewelry. It fits perfectly and it seems like it was just the right choice.

And, of course, it's fantastic to wave my hand around to show off my ring only to hear awed gasps of "My GOD, it's as big as your HAND."

After Junior Dad's, I sclepped up the hill to Jess and Betsey's to enjoy the cast party for "The Vic", which was amusing, to say the least. I enjoyed a glass of wine, good conversation, and had the pleasure of laughing at very happily drunk freshmen. It was a busy day, but a good one.

I would meditate upon the significance of the first ceremony of my ushering out of the undergraduate world, but it's 3am and I need to get up early to eat with my parents. Humbug.

Brain Go 'Splodey

So, I promised introspective. You're not gonna get it this time. Sorry. On to rant.

This morning was going just FINE until Dr. A pulled me into his office to practice my song for the masterclass that was this afternoon. Fine, good, he was my accompianist, we needed the practice. He very politely asks me to sit down. Then he begins, "Miss A, I have not yet excepted the fact that you are not a music major..."

To be brutally honest, I didn't let him get any further than that. I leaped up out of my chair and flew at him, saying in a very loud voice, "Dr. A, this is NOT the week for you to be telling me why I should be a music major. NOT THE WEEK."

See, things have been a little crazy on the music front lately. Ms. F. is requiring twelve papers, plus weekly journals, plus at least seven hours of out-of-classroom practice time per week. This is a two-credit course, keep in mind. It should be worth four credits, as most classes with labs are worth. On top of that, my memorization requirements state that I should have five songs (at least) memorized by the end of the semester. On top of that, Ms. F. and the music department have me singing in about five recitals this semester, at least three of which are not required. I have not yet had the chance to practice with my official accompianist because she does not have the time to give one person more than fifteen minutes every other week for practice, and we missed ours due to a scheduling conflict with a studio recital. (Tomorrow is my final recital. Am I prepared? No. Am I singing? Yes. Logic, where art thou?) On top of this, music history is kicking my ass and I still have to write a paper on frickin' Lully.

To all of this, Dr. A. had the absolute gall to say, "But you're doing the play, Miss A. That's extra stuff - "

"IT'S MY MAJOR!" I protested, flailing wildly. (No matter how often I say this, the music department insists upon believing that my stint in the theatre is just a wild fling and I'll see the error of my ways in time for my senior recital.)

Not only did Dr. A. have this circular discussion with me, but he brought it up to Ms. F. He was appalled at my choice in majors and confronted her, to get me to change my mind. She discussed this with me in my lesson, pointing out that the department was eliminating minor recitals and that I would not be able to have my own recital unless I was a major. If I was a major, the department might be able to make things easier for me. Voice lessons might start having a lighter load. Requirements would be easier. Allowances would be made for my theatre major.

Now, I have a pretty voice. That is undeniable. There is quality there and someday, it might be rather good. However, my voice is not NEARLY remarkable enough to garner this sort of attention from the department. One of my sources told me that she overheard Dr. A. and Ms. F. talking in the department secretary's office and Dr. A. was making me sound like I was the next top voice in the opera world. To which I say "Bullshit!" But I'm puzzled over why they seem to want me THAT MUCH. Ms. F. pointed out that I am not only somewhat talented, but I am also a good musician and I have a good work-ethic. That's not a good enough reason.

I seriously think the theatre department and the music department have a betting pool on - whichever gets the most majors gets the better facility when the new bit is built. Something like that. I don't know. I would just like to have it known that I do NOT appreciate the pressure. (Nor do I appreciate the bribing me with a recital-thing. Dirty pool, that.)

Sing We A Song That Takes But A Minute

The Madrigals had our first "official" performance last night, with the whole group at Mary Baldwin's Fall Concert. Those of us who have been in Madrigals for a little while tend to forget that the Fall Concert is never very good, because it's always a very new group, with repertoire we've only had for a little while. As one of this year's directors, I have a tendency to panic as soon as something goes wrong.

Honestly, it was NOT the worst we've ever done. I've heard us do way worse, in fact. We sang six songs, which is twice as many as was in the Charm set (to be fair, each of their songs equals about two of ours in length), and we didn't do too awfully badly. Once again, we tend to forget that this particular concert is never our best. We first sang "Cantate Domino", a Latin piece that we absolutely blew the audience away with. It's the best we've ever performed it. "Esto le Digo" our Spanish piece, was slightly less shiny. We started on a weird rhythm, which threw us off a little (not as much as it could have, this is one of the pieces we knew best), but I ended up going sharp on my solo at the end.

This kind of threw us for a loop on our next piece, which we are absolutely not confident on, "Song of Praise", which is our Hebrew (yes, Hebrew) piece. It's a cool song, and it's written by one of our favorite composers, Elanor Daley, but it's absolutely kicking my ass. We always end up flat, and since Katie was sick last night, she couldn't sing soprano 1. And, as much as I love my other sop. 1, Anna, I couldn't hear her at all and so I felt like I was singing by myself. Bad feelings on that one, really.

Next on the program was "Sing Me to Heaven", which is usually good. I stress "usually". The problem with this was that I was personally shook up from "Song of Praise" and completely forgot everything I was supposed to sing on "Sing Me to Heaven". When I first learned the piece, we sang it in the Concert Choir and I was on the sop. 2 part - very different from sop. 1. If Katie had been singing, my frequent unconscious lapses into the sop. 2 part would not have been too noticeable, but unfortunately this was not the case.

After that was "Now The Winter", which is one of two of my favorite pieces of rep this semester. It's in a minor key and the lyrics detail the fading of autumn and coming of winter. "Weeping now the autumn visage/eyes of bronze now dim and cold/ flinging down its golden foliage/Once so colorful and bold" is how it begins and the rest of the song follows along the same vein. The bridge is just gorgeous "Death of blade and frozen night/End of amber glowing leaves/Covered now in winter white/Autumn goes to bed and grieves". When we practiced it right before the program, it was awe-inspiring. However, it wasn't so striking during the actual concert. Not our worst, but could have been better.

The last piece on our program was my first "official" bit of conducting. "The Minute Madrigal". The premise of a song is a typical madrigal piece in four-part harmony with fa-la-la's, but the lyrics start to change to things like "We're tired of singing this song we admit it" and it gradually speeds up from the regular tempo at the beginning so that we're racing through and complete the song in one minute. It's a funny little piece and I enjoy it, which is why I wanted to direct it. This is the first time I've ever really directed, though, and I only just learned how to do it correctly. So, being a little nervous about it, I started the song faster than usual (about the tempo we're at when we end the piece). To me, however, it sounded a little slow. So I sped it up. I think we ended up actually finishing the song in thirty seconds. (I really should have had someone time it.) However, it did turn out well, the audience liked it, and it was a good end to our little program.

Today we're doing a benefit concert with Charm (the other a cappella group at Baldwin) and I'm a little nervous about it. Advertising didn't start until much later than it should have and we really needed to push getting people involved. So, it being all rainy and everything, I'm nervous about having an audience. However, I'm sure we'll be fine. Our next singing event is next Saturday, and I'm excited about this one. The Downtown Development Association always has a Christmas celebration downtown, and this is the second year they've asked Madrigals to sing. Last year, we all dressed in Madrigals garb throughout the ages (Renaissance through early Victorian) and walked around downtown singing. It was SO much fun. Katie dressed as a guy last year, so we walked around with me in my green Empire-waist Jane Austen-esque gown and Katie in her bright red pumpkin pants and doublet arm in arm - we even have a picture of the happy "couple" walking down the street.

Sorry for the "music-ey" post. I promise substance and a deep introspective next time!

Oh, the Timing....

THIS SUCKS THIS SUCKS THIS SUCKS THIS SUCKS THIS SUCKS.

I don't know how many times I can type that for it to really reflect the true frustration I am feeling right now.

The good news from today: I'm not failing any of my classes. I am not failing math, I am getting a B in History of Music (and if he curves it, A!!!), a B in Environmental Issues if all went well on the last test, A's in my music classes, and (here's the kicker) an A- in Chaucer. That's better than some of the English majors in the class. I felt very superior.

So, my morning was going well. My afternoon was pretty darn good, too. I had a voice lesson in which I didn't suck, a productive evening rehearsal with the Madrigals, and my voice teacher took Miranda and I out to the Depot where I splurged on crab dip. Then we had the Departmental Recital, which could have been disastrous, and our first run-through of Act I at rehearsal - and, miracle of miracles, it went smoothly with minimal troubles. My lines were even mostly there. I came home. I logged onto my laptop.

Then the shit hit the fan. I won't go into detail, my friends, because I know for a fact that there are people who read this who don't comment (as would be appreciated). If you wanted to keep that tidbit a secret, guys, you should not have told me you read this - you'd get juicier information. Let's just say that there is someone who I like hanging out with who I shall have to stay away from for a very long time, in order to keep gossip away from me. It sucks.

Anyway. I shouldn't be wasting time venting, but I can't do anything else right now and I can't say the things I'm thinking out loud. So here I am. Writing meaningless, mysterious sentences in an attempt to make myself feel better about a matter that doesn't even vaguely concern me. Ah well.

In other news, the Madrigals are dressing up in costume for the Downtown Christmas Celebration to sing carols and walk the streets. It'll be fun. I'm excited. I'm singing for our studio class tomorrow. I'm not excited. (I tend to be happier about singing things when I'm not a soloist. Ironic, eh?) I'd probably be more excited were I to know my songs well enough to perform them, but I don't. So, one of my jobs for tonight is some extreme memorization. Ew.

What is with this "future" thing?

So, I've been considering summer employment lately and I really like the idea of working at Colonial Williamsburg. It's not my favorite historical period of all time, but since I was about five, I've fantasized about working there. Dressing up like a colonial woman every day, doing things a colonial woman would do, talking to people about what a colonial woman does, the challenge of being in character... just living like that every day sounds like something I would enjoy.

I do remember the first time I was in Williamsburg - I was so thrilled to be there (I was maybe eight at the time) that I curtsied to every one of the interpreters, because I thought it was the thing to do. There was another girl who did it with me. I recall being so disappointed that you weren't also required to wear historical garb in order to walk around Williamsburg, and that it was a great shock to me that all of the city of Williamsburg was not like the historical section.

Kate, Miranda, and I are all going to apply for summer jobs there - summer is the height of the tourist season and it will be so much fun if we all get jobs. Besides which, if housing is not provided for the temporary summer workers, rent will be so much cheaper if we live together and I'll be able to keep Emmeline for the summer instead of letting my parents have her.

Lately, Miranda and I have been discussing "relationships" and why we like who we like. We've come to the conclusion that there are two types of people (with, of course, various degrees of people falling in the middle). Alphas and Betas. Alphas are, of course, more domineering leader-types and Betas are their less domineering followers. Miranda and I are both very strongly Alphas. Men who tend to be attracted to us are generally Betas. The problem with this is that many women who are Alphas tend to like having an Alpha as a partner - an equal, rather than someone who will just go along with whatever you want.

Of course, this leads to that classic problem: "All these guys like me, but I don't like them!" And, while to some people that may not seem like a problem, to me it's an enormous problem. I don't like to hurt people and Betas are so easily hurt, especially by rejection. However, I've realized something else, too - the reason why my relationships don't last long is based on the fact that I date Betas. My longest relationship was with another Alpha - the only Alpha, in fact, that I have ever dated. Like many Alpha females, I am predominately attracted to Alpha males - the problem with the Alpha male, however, is that he is normally attracted to the Beta female. Less competition for power.

Someday, an Alpha male will appear in my life and want me for who I am: An Alpha female, his equal.

All Hallows' Eve

It really didn't feel like Halloween yesterday, for some reason. I didn't wear my costume, because the weather said "no" and I wasn't feeling well - being the ultimate music geek, I was going to be a "pants role", but that will have to wait for Dylan and Stina's Halloween party. The sky was bright and very, very blue and the general aura of the day bespake some ordinary day rather than a day of spooks and witches and ancient legends.

It was classes all day, as well, so I was running around trying to get to every class on time. I didn't breathe until about three o'clock, when I took some time to grab a large dark roast at Coffee on the Corner. (You know you're a regular when the man at the counter grabs a large cup as soon as you come in and stands at the ready.) Sean, the man I went on that date with, was there. He had gotten me a birthday present a while back and hadn't had the chance to give it to me - so I got my coffee and visited his car with him, where I unwrapped said gift. It was a Jane Austen day planner for next year (very pretty, with prints and quotes from her books for every week), and a folding paper fan. I gave him a very large hug and went on my way with my new possessions in hand.

The day just didn't have that... feel to it. The chills running up and down your back at unexpected moments, that feeling that you're going to encounter a witch at any moment, that satisfied feeling you get watching the trick or treater's making their rounds. It just wasn't there.

We had rehearsal last night, and we had only gotten through warm-ups and one of my scenes when security called the building - there had been a shooting in town, and the authorities had not yet apprehended the shooter. Security was evacuating all of the academic buildings on campus and going into lockdown. There ensued much confusion about the whereabouts of the shooting, who was shot, when it happened, and why Mary Baldwin was affected by this.

Things are still a little weird around here - we have extra security now and guards posted at all the roads into campus. I somehow doubt the shooter will come to Mary Baldwin - it was a domestic shooting and two people were nonfatally injured - but I am glad for the extra security. And, not going to lie, I was so nervous about driving through Staunton that I took the highway instead of my usual backroad route.

On a slightly more frivolous note, today has felt much more Halloween-y than yesterday. And Chaucer class is getting steadily more interesting. We're reading "Troilus and Criseyde" now, which is slow-going but rewarding. The class has gotten in the habit of finding naughty words in Middle English and writing them on the board for Frank's benefit, and also the benefit of the next class to use that room.